I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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