Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
