I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
