Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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