how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
