I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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