why didn't you poke me back
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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