so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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