I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
