But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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