His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
