I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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