I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
