I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
