she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
