I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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