dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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