he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm going to jail i love you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
