one two three fourrrrnication!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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