I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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