and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
