Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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