UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
