evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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