And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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