Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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