we have officially lost it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
