tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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