Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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