I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
