Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
