You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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