My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
