Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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