Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
