hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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