great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
