Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
