I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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