I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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