Your face is a jimmy john
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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