Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
