Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
