I think I am morally bankrupt
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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