He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
