She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
