So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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