I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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