The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
