I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
