DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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