Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
