You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize