new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done