I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
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she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.