I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
should my penis look like a turkey
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.