Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is