He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
