Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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