My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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