Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
