i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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