i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
