So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
