yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
