census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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