I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
